Spick and Span

Let me out

2011-03-25T00:35:00.005+11:00

The last time I tried to wear my heart on my sleeves...I remembered my pride and ego got punched really hard. The healing process took 3 years. Never again, I swore to myself, to breath my story to another living soul. Unlocking my past entries & blogs hit me with an overwhelming pang of resentment, all those well-kept emotions came flooding through me like an eager wave. Deep inside me, I cannot wait to get this off my chest. But I know damn well that it comes with a heavy price to pay. I cannot afford it.

Till then, mum is the word and my best secrets will go to the grave with me.

Life in Technicolor

2010-05-13T20:06:00.003+10:00

I put some color to my day

in hope

that

I will find happiness

one day.

Year One

2010-01-18T00:39:00.005+11:00

Suddenly I feel dizzy as the world is turning and spinning.
Is coming home a bad idea?

自欺欺人

2009-10-14T13:00:00.001+11:00

我要承认，我并没有自己以为的那么好
我要承认,我从来没有自己以为的那么好看
我要承认,我即使现在再努力一些，我也不过如此
我要承认,我的天分比不上别人
我要承认,我希望没人比我活得好
我要承认,我会妒嫉

欺人，不如自欺，
毕竟自欺总比欺人来的容易，
要承认我的人生里许多不完美的真相，
这太残忍了
我好歹也有权利对自己说慌
纵使当我骗不了自己时,
当身边没有观众献上那肯定的掌声时，
当在孤单清醒的夜晚，不得不苦涩地承认时，
这一刻，
也许我会希望你没看穿我。

Overeating is just your soul's way of saying you're making your body unhappy.

2009-10-10T13:33:00.006+11:00

My good news

2009-09-12T00:01:00.004+10:00

Welcome to our playground.

Ready to Roll

2009-09-02T22:38:00.002+10:00

All that peace, quiet and privacy was nice while it lasted, and I sure needed it - but I'm on a different page now. I'm ready for some excitement, and even though I know I have to get up tomorrow, I really won't care how late I have to stay up to have some excitement. That's simply because I'm definitely connect with at least one someone who is going to help me find what I'm after: adrenaline.

It ain't cloak-and-dagger that emotions have always been my sign's specialty. I know how to express them, no matter where I am or who happens to be watching, because it never occurs to me to hold them back. After all, aren't feelings the best part of being human? Well, that's debatable, from some of our points of view, but at any rate, when a very strong feeling hits me now, admirably, I won't think twice before expressing it. I won't even want to.

So keep a look out on this joint, I'm back blogging.

It doesn't matter

2009-09-01T17:09:00.006+10:00

It really doesn't matter if we're only taking a stroll at that empty street or squeeze through that crowded mall. It really doesn't matter if we could only afford roadside food or indulge in lavish buffet. As long as I could spend a day with you, I wouldn't change the world for this.
I'd trade it with anything just for this one day.

Just the two of us.
I'm contented.

What is happening

2009-08-28T02:41:00.003+10:00

Am I seeing it half full or half empty?
I have detached myself from wearing my feelings on my sleeves.
I've managed to sustain it for 4 months.
Could it be any longer?

Happy Birthday, Andy

2009-08-01T23:02:00.002+10:00

A well-planned & executed surprise despite the minor setbacks along the process. Thanks to a bunch of awesome people that this night successfully marked the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun of an awesome someone.

Happy Birthday,
please keep your hands out the cookie jar.

xx

Soak up the sun

2009-06-06T00:06:00.000+10:00

Who said the skies in Kuching aren't blue? The one who said so, has definitely never been here. Sun, flip flop, bikinis, sunnies, sunblock, tan and a new breath of fresh air. What a life delectation. I love it here.

Last night

2009-06-02T23:35:00.001+10:00

It's another inarticulate way to say the host had a blast and am very thankful for making her drink, drank and drunk. It had been a while she last stumbled her way home and experienced some toilet-bowl-hogging love. It was awesome nonetheless.

Lots of love, xoxo

Happy birthday

2009-06-01T23:19:00.003+10:00

Social Loop

2009-05-21T17:12:00.006+10:00

I know I am usually quite a party animal but after my absence for a year and now that I am back, I have been much more introverted than usual. Pretty odd but some have gotten used to it yet some let it threw them for a loop. You see, I just need to go back into my shell for a while and think some things through. Things are changing. There are a few changes in my life that I need to adjust to. All I need is just some 'alone' time. But HEY, this social queen bee is making a comeback! Now, two's company and three's a party! I'm feeling the urge to connect with other people, and get back in the loop with friends! The more people there are, the merrier I will be! I want to feel a part of the world around me, I wanna rub elbows with people from all walks of life, I wanna put myself in the middle of the crowd and start making friends. Tell your friends, everyone around you......

I am back.

100 Best Posters Exhibition

2009-05-07T19:48:00.006+10:00

Anyone else but you

2009-04-18T19:30:00.008+10:00

I am finally gaining real momentum of my relationship until things have to take a dramatic turn. At first, things are not going smoothly, all I wanna do is just throw my hands up in the air and fret that this thing isn't going to work out, just like all the other past ones. Conversely, you never give up, you embrace any conflict that erupts, because working through it together is going to bring the two of us even closer together. Baby, you are right. Sometimes we have to argue before we can find that common ground.

Tree Hugger

2009-04-15T17:48:00.009+10:00

Another day has passed.

Ouch, my head hurts

2009-04-14T18:49:00.008+10:00

Happy or sad, jealous or proud, envious or territorial - it doesn't make any difference. Feelings are simply feelings. It is only a state of mind. The irony is that, the longer u detain the acknowledgment of feelings, the faster you find yourself falling into an abyss of nothingness. Swallowing you up inside and pulling you into a vortex of wild imagination. Get it out, you find the exit.

It was very unpleasant of you to invade my privacy. Like a bull in my china shop, your selfish ignorance has caused breakage and harm. I am not feeling feisty at all. Therefore, I walked away. Dropping everything and removing myself from this explosive situation is not a sign of weakness. It simply means I am strong enough to let go. My detachment doesn't make you the winner, not even for seconds. If you are insecure, please don't throw all the aggressive energy to others, instead divert those energy into something positive. Word to self, if you are not ever going to stop, I will only let myself roll with the punches that may or may not come my way because obviously you are the one with a chip on the shoulder. Blimey.

You wouldn't like me if I told you I love you

2009-04-07T16:42:00.005+10:00

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

He has left, closed the door, picked his baggage and thrown it out of the window. He let go, he's gone, life still goes on like every dawn has its dusk, it's over, it is you who stay behind and suffer, because what you are left with is memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.

Remember the time...

2009-04-01T05:07:00.005+11:00

Finally we have came to a place where we can get a sense of the true value we bring to each others life. It's wonderful to feel like we bring the best out of each other for once, and the two of us are getting closer in a whole new level.

We took the time to get away for a while and reminded ourselves how well we fit together. Took a trip together to the beach and boy, we never had so much fun.

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.
That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.

Vanishing

2009-03-15T00:45:00.005+11:00

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
Where is my shelter?

When the girlfriend was away...

2009-03-06T19:41:00.012+11:00

...the little bitch came out to play

So you said it, to him while I wasn't around.
Sneak behind me without a sound.
Dare to pen it but not the guts to admit.
I can read you like a book, now look...

your existence is like a dark gray cloud blotting my sunny skies
the good news is that you're just one little cloud
You're easily ignored. Your little trick is passe.
Mum is the word. Eavesdroppers abound.
Don't wear your heart on your sleeves
You are shameless nonetheless which explains.
Don't go getting delusions of grandeur.
I find you very pathetic, clinging on to whatever dribble of delusions you can convince yourself and is abusing it to fill your land of make-believe with little trophies to ensure you don't die of self-denial and insecurities.
Spit on you for calling me a bitch.

He doesn't fancy you.
Played with your heart, you set yourself on fire.
Holding on to that trace of expired hope, I think you need to try harder.
You're not young anymore to love attention.

Pft.

Look who is talking here.
Shame on you, for being 27 and allowing a 22 year old girl to feel embarrassed for you. There are many ways to being a bitch - that doesn't mean you can't do it with class.

There is no battle for the winner is obvious.

Country Mile

2009-03-04T19:56:00.004+11:00

Retreat. Sometimes I think the wide open spaces helped to open up my mind and freshen up my attitude about the recent absurd issue that has been frustrating me lately. All that oxygen....given me new ideas and helped me think of a few new adventures to embark upon.

The land below the wind is my newfound sanctuary.

You won't have believed if I told you I will change

2009-03-02T02:59:00.008+11:00

Images by Phooey

I know I have been going on and on about how I am changing and growing, but people are yet to see any real evidence of this transformation. Before you call me on my baloney or tell me that I am fooling myself, please think about what I really need right now - your support, not your criticism. So be patient and understand that sometimes real change takes real time - it doesn't always happen dramatically.

Some mistakes are accidentally beautiful

2009-02-27T15:34:00.007+11:00

Images via Lomo Accidents @ Nick and Tom

Just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you are one.

Middle Management

2009-02-27T14:38:00.010+11:00

Image via Stephany Yaya Sungkharisma @ on your mark get set go

Lately I have been focusing on setting aside time to hunker down and just hang with folks I care the most about right now. Those who know me best and those who always able to say the right words that will put a smile on my face. Those old close friends of mine whom I tell them my tale with only my eyes. Silence make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts. I am blessed to have you all through those good and bad times. I have just been told last night that I need to adopt a more analytical attitude, especially when it comes to dealing with people I don't like. If she rubs me the wrong way, so what? She doesn't have an impact on my life, so skip past her and never look back. If she is nothing nice, why bother giving her the power more than she deserves over my life and my relationship? My time and energy should only be devoted to those who bring out the best in me.

渴望的，才是最好的

2009-02-27T13:31:00.003+11:00

人们总是说得不到的，是最好的。
我是信徒，也是叛徒。
我有很想得到却得不到的东西
我知道我想得到的那样东西是不合理的，
是要别人为我牺牲和承受痛苦的，
那么得不到也是我活该 (T_T)

得不到的，一旦得到了，也不一定会珍惜;
得到又失去，根本就似如没得到过。
我没得到你，是因为我不想争取
是我的就是我的，或许这是我们的宿命。

Surprises are made of these

2009-02-26T16:43:00.016+11:00

Images by a d n d

2009-02-19T14:21:00.002+11:00

Romance are made of these

2009-02-18T16:04:00.010+11:00

A surprise printout note, a surprise self-baked cake, a surprise hand-drawn card, a surprise Lykke Li signed CD from PERTH, a surprise Lykke Li original fan T-shirt, a surprise bouquet of Gerbera at work, a savory meat galore bbq, a hot and steamy night
- Our Valentine 2009.

Train of complaints

2009-02-18T13:08:00.005+11:00

Mom and I. The two of us have been bickering a lot lately. However, when I see through our bluster I know that deep down inside we really love and respect each other. Our words carried a lot of weight with each of them. Why do we need to hurt each other like this? You are always not easy to please, and forever I feel like I can never do right in your eyes. But I am already giving too much, working too hard, and caring more than I need to. It's time to take stock of things. I don't mind working so hard to read your mind long as it is worthwhile. All these constant power struggles are not really the way I want to live my life with you. When I take another look at the argument we often had, I quickly see how the rift was caused by each person being too rigid and unwilling to see the other side of things. I want to keep us both happy but I cannot do it alone. I need your help to make this work.

I don't mean to be deemed as being flaky. I wanna put things in motion. I don't want to make empty promises. But I still have a long way to go...and I've only just began.

I am still learning...

"Amplifying the volume of romance in your life can be easy if you admit that romance doesn't just relate to a love relationship. Romance exists wherever there is beauty, wherever there is music, and wherever there are two people laughing at a private joke. You need to adjust your vision to include a wider view of what is romantic. Then, you will start to see romance a lot more often. Cherish the way you relate to the world. Smell the roses. You're rushing around too much to notice the magic."

Hello, do I know you?

2009-02-14T13:27:00.005+11:00

Could it be my long lost twin?
The resemblance is uncanny.
U think?

Transition

2009-02-09T21:51:00.008+11:00

So I have been told that I have been too tough on myself over the past few weeks. Today I decided to cut myself some slack. The result is, indeed, very rewarding. While the road ahead might feel a bit too bumpy to be comfortable, I can clearly see how things are about to get a whole lot better.

xx

This is possibly the closest to the day when all of my hard work finally pay off! That big boss of mine who has been a big problem for me lately has finally being favorable. I can kiss that tension ass goodbye.

I am humming. I am in love.

The remaining bits of Melbourne

2009-01-21T13:11:00.005+11:00

Today I miss you

2009-01-19T09:59:00.008+11:00

You taught me how to be my own lover before anyone could be mine.
I know I have been trying to trick or bribe you into giving me more of your heart - loves doesn't work that way

The only trick to do it right is to ask for what I want
but it is not necessary that I would get it.
The world doesn't revolve around me.

1 2 3 4

2009-01-14T14:54:00.003+11:00

2008 was a whirlwind of ups and downs.
Countless heartaches but kudos to the good times.
This is and isn't a year to remember.

I had a quiet new year eve this time around
Sipping Long Island Tea, smoking sisha.
People watching, as time strode by.
The clock struck twelve.

Happy New Year!

Though I don't know what the future holds, or where fate may take me, I'm certain and hopeful that this will be a good one, and many years from where it came.

How was your New Year Eve?

Expectations

2008-12-30T18:27:00.004+11:00

My most favorite guitarist of my most favorite band is leaving the band.
Describing my feeling as sad is just an understatement.
I am beyond depressed.

What you don't know

2008-12-30T01:06:00.007+11:00

...is that you are just making a fool out of yourself.
For we are not stupid to know that
that is not a declaration of happiness,
you are just being pathetic.
You don't want me to be the one to move on.
Sadly, the Big man up there will never slam a door at my face without opening another door. I didn't take too long to stare at that closed door to miss out the opened one.
It's always about your ego.
All the best.

RM77,000 is worth...

2008-12-25T13:17:00.006+11:00

...a piece of paper.

Clear to pass

2008-12-11T13:29:00.012+11:00

After a year of mourning, grieving, healing, nursing and moving on, I have finally stepped out and started planning my next romantic move. It can be daunting but your reassurances not only calmed my nerves, you gave me hope and a different kind of happiness. Should all else fail, we know we still have a friendship to salvage.

The beginning of a new chapter starts here.

I, too, can draw

2008-12-03T16:54:00.008+11:00

A dab of creative spark and flash of inspiration leads to these drawings
on ceramic with porcelain pen. Sometimes I surprise myself with what I could and could not do.

Lovely surprise.

Don't let me go tonight

2008-12-03T15:43:00.002+11:00

As days go by, I feel less alive.
I forgot how it feels like to be in love with you.
I forgot your birthday.
I forgot you.
I forgot us.

Any given thursday

2008-11-13T01:31:00.003+11:00

Not only I'd love to possess the most perfect quiff, I also love my man with quiff. God please strike you now if you don't know what a quiff is. It's that hairstyle that combines the 1950s pompadour hairstyle, the 20s flattop, and sometimes a mohawk; the hairstyle that you swear only strictly sported by your forefathers.....or not.

Think Elvis Presley, Morrissey, British's Teddy Boy movement, James Dean, Johny Cash and a few modern notable quiff like Mikey Way from My Chemical Romance, Franz Ferdinand, TV presenter Mark Lamarr.

God, how I wish there is more men rocking the quiff.

Whose quiff I love best?
Do I really have to answer this? You'd already knew by now how bias I can be...

Need I say more?

You can have my hand, that's for sure

2008-11-10T19:41:00.006+11:00

For more of these awesome Cut Off Your Hands's gig photos, check out:

www.laubarnes.com

Happy as can be

2008-11-10T15:19:00.013+11:00

Against all odd, I plucked my last courage and went to Cut Off Your Hands gig alone. It turned out surprisingly not as daunting as I initially thought. Everything went as smooth as summer cherries. Despite the many gigs I've followed back in hometown, I wasn't prepared for the kind of quality performance I'd get here. It was my best spent of $75, ever.

11.30pm on the dot, the band came on, adjusted their instruments, checked mikes and sound, and exploded to life before me. The audience were awesome, they reached, they sang with them, they screamed, they leapt, they jumped, they reeled, they careened, they danced, they responded with much fondness, and they went all crazy (in a good way). Cut Off Your Hands absolutely bowled me over with their magnetism, professionalism, talent, stage presence, energy and charisma, I hardly breathed for that 85 minutes. I only thought it would be fun to check out the gig scene here, I had no particular expectation and I was in no way prepared for the frenzy I'd developed for them. Their songs are just downright catchy that one cannot help but to hum along with them. I swear to god my mind was exploding with glee and I had a big smile on me the whole time. The night ended with two new friends, a cd, a tshirt, a freebie bag, an unfinished beer, multiple mind-orgasms, sweat, smile, glee, and a very satisfied girl - yours truly.

Hopefully this is the first to many more.

I am still high in the state of euphoria.
I need heavier boots to set my feet back on the ground.
I have yet found another reason to stay...

...if I only I could, I would.

Line and Stream

2008-11-04T17:18:00.005+11:00

Simple yet intricately drawn. The sense of important details like the jacket's cuff length that drawn to me, is still a mystery.

How can I not love Kazuo Hozumi.

Of sugar and diabetes

2008-11-03T02:21:00.004+11:00

Big personalities are arriving on the scene, today, and they have been trying to crown me out of the action. The best approach for these kind of people is to just let them have the stage. If I fight them for the limelight, they'll only push back at me harder. To get things started on the right foot, I should step back and give up some of my share of attention. They won't notice my sacrifice, and I don't expect any gratitude. But I will be making my life a lot easier. Also, I need to avoid people who are hostile to me.

Thank god for days like these, I have cupcakes and donuts and Heidi Kenney. I am a sucker for sweets. Anything that compromise diabetes, has an odd way of pulling a tug at my heart.

I'm too sexy for my fat

2008-11-01T15:44:00.003+11:00

These are our alter egos speaking.

Pyjamas: Kmart
Scarf: Supré

Cookie Monster Hoodie: Jay Jay's
Vest: Portmans
Shorts: Converse
Knee-length socks: thrifted
Sneakers: Cotton on

Flannel: Thrifted
Skirt: Supré

Cropped Cardi: Thrifted
Yellow strapless dress: Supré
Fedora: Dotti

We are cheap that way....I don't care if you gag at our choice of brands.
It's either our way or the highway.

'She is the one'

2008-10-29T03:52:00.010+11:00

Never will I have imagined this day to come,
eventually one day but not right now,
definitely not today.

I guess it still feels like yesterday when you looked into my eyes with such fondness; then the mere pain you brought on us when you closed the chapter.
Fortunately we ended it on good terms.
Never will I imagine extending my most heartfelt congratulations to you this soon.
Who am I to say, they say you'd know she's the one when she comes along. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life

Congratulations, M!

This is how we do it

2008-10-28T03:34:00.007+11:00

Baby, let's build a home together. I'm at IKEA.

Despite all claims, I am not like that in real life for whatever that I've done as illustrated as below. This is just purely an act out of love, an exchange for a friendship. Yes, I bend backward for friends. No, I was kidding. I am cheap because I am Asian (yea, typical stereotyping innit? but they'd like to believe it anyways).

Ways to save a dime or two at IKEA restaurant:

Buy 20 meatballs (Value for money, repeat after me, value for money) and share it with a partner-in-crime. You see, 10 meatballs valued at 7.95 but 20 meatballs cost a dollar more. So you do the math.
Cup over glass, both cost $1.75 anyways, but the difference is that - cup: you are given the alternative/unlimited choices of any beverage (water to soft drinks to coffee), glass: you are limited to only water and soft drinks (note: ONLY).
This is not on their beverage menu but kudos to the most 'innovative' frugal guru of all, get ready for - jeng, jeng, jeng........HOT CHOCOLATE. Now, we could save that $2.50 for takeaway and enjoy the liberty of unlimited refills, couldn't we?

Grab your cup, rinse it using the spring water dispenser, get the chocolate powder (which is meant for your coffee) and pour it into your cup LAVISHly. Then, add in the forth milk and there you have yourself a cup of hot chocolate, exactly the same as the one your local cafe served you.
And finally, always remember the first rule of cheapo-ism: value for money. Not even a single purchase should be passed up from this golden rule. Even the ice-cream is not spared. Refill it as many times as possible! Ignore the angry stares and the long line waiting behind.

Quoted by my ultimate best partner-in-crime: "You wanna get free stuff, you gotta have a thick face" Be shameless, so to speak. True words spoken with flair. Those weak-hearted like me should never engage in such activities because you will only get yourself nothing but trouble. I shall just leave those jobs to pros because I am happy to pay extra, for the least I got what I want. It's just gonna cost me a little more.

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

2008-10-28T00:52:00.012+11:00

My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it's surprising how often they head in your direction. It almost comes on as an annoyance. I still remember the promise of a stroll along the white sandy beach. Just the two of us. I guess that kind of memory wasn't meant for us. Being nostalgia for what we have lost is more bearable than nostalgia for what we have never had... I am glad we never had that walk, or else, the beauty of the beach will remain tainted forever. Now, we wouldn't want that, don't we?

Count him as south america

2008-10-27T17:21:00.007+11:00

She inched closer to the computer.

Her mind willed her not to open the laptop, screamed, No! No! No! You'll regret this. Bad Idea! Bad Idea! and for a moment it sounded so realistic she wondered if her inner voice has somewhat detached from her mind, but she could only hold out for so long. Four seconds later, her fingers were flying across the keyboard. Ten seconds after that, she was face-to-face with his Facebook page.

"Oh, god, no," she moaned aloud, stretching backward in her chair and staring at the computer warily, as though it might explode. She knew she shouldn't click on it, but there was no turning back. She sat up straight with her shoulders down and her chest jutted out, took a deep breath and moved the cursor to the link. Before anything, she saw several thumbnail shots. She knew this was a very bad idea, that it was stupid from an intellectual stand-point and toxic from a sanity one, but by now it was out of her control.

Click.

The image smack right at her face. The first frame remained frozen on the screen. She studied, examined, every square inch of very single photograph consumed her. Then... she saw what she has been looking for. A reassurance that something is no longer there. She swallowed hard, forced herself to lift her finger and continuing the clicking.

Click. Click.

Click Click. Click.

Click. Click. Click. Click.

She finishing clicking through the entire album, briefly surveyed her level of nausea, and hunkered down to start again from the beginning.

It was going to be a very long night.

This is not a love song

2008-10-23T03:15:00.008+11:00

To say I am so jealous that a task that stressed me out is as easy as a walk in the park for some is just an understatement. Everyone has their own level of skill, and mine just happen to be very low in a certain way. I offer no excuse, I am that dumb. Odd to say, somehow, a few days ago, I had the sudden feeling to stop doing what I was and called my mom. We had quite a long chit chat. As opposed to the grumpiness that I was supposed to reflect, mom however thought I was pretty much on cloud nine. Yes, my mom can be delusional and denial sometimes. Perhaps because I did not take out my frustration on her that lead to this optimism.

"Do not let yourself keep thinking that if something is difficult, it must be bad for you." A tough challenge doesn't always a good lesson in life, Sometimes, it's just a pain in the neck.

To add stress, after a few gossiping/bonding/updating moments with mom, we suddenly came to a very absurd conclusion that breaking heart is the new black. Call us cynical because cynical, we are. All I heard around are news of recent breakups of friends', friends' of friend, friends' of someone's friend. Reasonings (or rather as evasions in my dictionary) are long-distance, weary relationships, worn-out feelings, personality incompatibility to name a few. What I see lacking is 'responsibility' and 'loyalty'. If you can't give any fly about commitment, don't make one - ever, period.

If you think I am going on a full-fledged talk about relationships and commitment, you could save that for another rainy day. I am so jaded with my ever failing relationships that I do not know how it feels like to be out of love. Shrug. Seriously.

I do not know why but this photo does not do my joy any justice.
I was actually very happy.
I am going to burn that tshirt - someday, someday.

Genesis

2008-10-16T20:57:00.006+11:00

It is official. I. am. FAT.

Time to stop living in denial and just accept the painful fact that I try to hide. Note the absence of the self-rightful narcissist. Just when I could finally take the liberty in breathing through all the stress during my Ballarat trip, I stumbled upon this sigh that just smack right at my face! Talk about absurdity. le sigh.

As the dollar keeps crashing, my corpulent never cease to grow in a very immaculate pace. Yeah, I got the drift too. Diet much?
I doubt.

Spring came, Rain fell

2008-10-12T17:00:00.004+11:00

Beautiful photos somehow have an odd way of calming me down and sooth my unsettling heart.
Am I expecting too much of myself?
I wish I could breathe through this constant frustration.
Leave alone those who just love pushing my buttons.
"Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him."

Yea, sure anger took my sanity and youth away.

Typography

2008-10-11T22:30:00.003+11:00

Eric Spiekermann

Get yourself together

2008-10-10T00:12:00.001+11:00

As you all know, I am a true blue commitment-philic/maniac. Precisely six months of pining over something no longer there,
I am. finally. over. it.
I am never this happier and elated about my freedom. I am even proud to declare to the whole world about my blissful singledom. Nevertheless, we all know that won't last a decade before I would start venturing into another, god forbid, emotional rollercoaster (turmoil) again.

But every bump and bruises along the ride are just stepping stones to something thriving innit? The lessons learned from past mistakes are going to come in handy for future endeavor -- and they're going to ensure that you reach a much higher level of success!

I think I am willing to take a little bit of a risk with my heart again.
♥

Testament to Youth in Verse

2008-10-09T13:56:00.006+11:00

Hold on to your undergarment, boys and girls.
Presenting...

Justice - A Cross The Universe

Seriously get ready for intense electrorgasm!
Cum November 24th.

Now you're really living

2008-10-09T00:17:00.007+11:00

He, who promised to build a roof above us,
got us this, under £5.

"Now, we can call this our home!"
He grins.

Time to pretend

2008-10-08T15:04:00.001+11:00

What are the three corny words?
Started with second-person and ended with first-person.

She loves me so

2008-10-08T14:35:00.005+11:00

If you think for once I am still there
waiting, hoping
I would take off your blindfold
I am just someone you used to know
I am not there
for you
you're all by yourself this time
Love is lost and I don't know why
but now is about time
I've made up my mind
I would put on my heavier boots
I am sorry
we are not intended
We all made mistakes and the water separated us
the space between the words grew
It's helpless
there is nothing to be said or done
patience is in short supply
slaves to our impulse, fear of our emotions
not knowing where the shore is
we are divided by the ocean
the answer isn't for us
Take my best wishes
One day you will find your phone, your coffee cup and you will make things appear again

Delayed Devotion

2008-10-08T03:49:00.010+11:00

If you are reading this, you are still RockStar,
forever and ever.

The False Contender

2008-10-08T02:29:00.002+11:00

What is the one word you use to describe the one person who would do their darndest to avoid you? Emails go unanswered, phone calls are never returned. Sometimes they just give you the feeling that they either did something they don't want to tell you about, or are afraid you already know about it. Don't you just hate it that you have to track them down and make them spill? Is it even your own best interests reaching out to them and be proactive about the situation? Are they possibly going to fess up until it's far too late to fix whatever they've broken?

I don't know about it myself as sometimes,
I play that annoying role.

Infinite Playlist

2008-10-03T02:34:00.003+10:00

The connection between teenagers with one another through music and the discovery of new and different bands is effectively projected throughout the course of the film.

A fun romp through New York's night-time scene and the growing independent musical scene of the Big Apple. Killer indie soundtracks. A Juno-reminiscent? Not quite, surprisingly a whole different entity. Definitely one to watch out for this summer.

[Nick & Norah's infinite playlist]

That bleeding heart show

2008-10-01T12:36:00.010+10:00

It's time to clean my emotional house. I need to toss out things that are keeping me from moving forward. It is not that I am still nursing a heartache because that's one thing, but if I am still wallowing in my self pity and pain, then that's quite another. Let go of the past and focus on dreams for the future. I've been carrying this pain for long. The fact is, I can decide to be happy or decide to be sad. Which will it be?

I still remember

2008-09-29T22:45:00.017+10:00

As years go by, you might have thought that we have grown separately but little can you see is that we actually never grow apart. That's the most beautiful discovery of true friends.

Your love is black

2008-09-26T03:42:00.007+10:00

STOP RUNNING YOUR WRETCHED LIPS LIKE A LEAKING PIPE OF TOXIC. STOP POISONING PEOPLE WITH YOUR TRIVIAL FIBS ABOUT ME. STOP LYING AND FORMING SOME SEMBLANCE OF ALLIES TO HATE ME. I HAD YOUR AVOIDANCE, I DON'T NEED OTHERS', WHO ARE, IN FACT, MY FRIENDS AND NOT PURELY YOURS. KUDOS TO YOU FOR TAKING OFF THE BLINDFOLD. NOW I COULD SEE CLEARLY FOR WHO YOU ARE. I AM COMPLETELY BAFFLED BY THE KIND OF RESPECT YOU SHOWED ME. WILL I FIGHT DIRTY? OF COURSE NOT! FIGHTING DIRTY ONLY GETS ME DIRTY. I'D SAY LET KARMA TAKES ITS COURSE. TO THOSE WHO LISTENED AND BELIEVED, I'D SAY IF WHAT YOU DON'T SEE WITH YOUR EYES, DON'T WITNESS WITH YOUR MOUTH. ANYWAY, BY BELIEVING SO, YOU ARE ALREADY NOT A FRIEND. I DON'T NEED ANOTHER CHEAP SEATS AT THE BACK. I'D GIVE YOU THE BENEFITS OF DOUBT.

Going Japanese

2008-09-24T17:11:00.004+10:00

Some like it Nigiri, some like it Maki, some like it Oshi, some like it Inari, some like it Chirashi, some like it Nare - zushi.
I like mine
vinegared rice topped with anything
fresh and raw,
within convenient reach.

A train of life delectations.

These are the fables

2008-09-23T16:54:00.008+10:00

Is this as good as it gets?

A country of political assassination, high crime rate, discouraging education system, empowerment abuse, racial injustice and human right oppression.
I hate whatever that is happening to a place I called home, for the lies it lives on and propagates, for the undying hatreds it arouses, for the "dictatorships" it puts in the place of democracies, and for the "starvation" that stalks after it.
I hate it, and never will I sanction or support.
Don't get me wrong, I love my home but find it hard to defend for.

It's your birthday

2008-09-22T05:45:00.002+10:00

I will never forget this date
I want to thank your mother for giving birth to you
For she blessed me with,
a sister
a "mother"
a friend
a confidant
a partner in crime

Someone to show me that there is a lot more in this world.
something bigger
something bolder
something wider.
Something that I, myself, could not have a grasp of it.

I will always remember our toilet bowl-hogging good times,
promises of becoming spinsters together,
the reluctance of returning home,
the insatiable appetite for cheap food,
low tolerance of bimbos,
those hot bitching sessions,
cold lame jokes that merely rattle bones,
joys, pain, sorrow, happiness, pride,
dreams, hopes, loves, disgusts, future,
all in one.

Next year, next time.

Cold kids of the night

2008-09-19T11:47:00.019+10:00

Behold the 9 degree
is it Spring or am I deluded to believe that winter has yet to end?

Fury thing that moves on four legs, conversations over Luis Bunuel's Surrealist Martini, Mocha and Cappuccino do not curb the dead feeling of cold. I guess it must be cold for there are no warm memories.
Time is scarce, we sure fully utilized our 24 hours, spent it talking - loves, disgusts, hopes, dreams, future. The conversations stretched till the next morning come.

Time like these compromise lust for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire.

Loose Translation

2008-09-17T16:33:00.008+10:00

Sometimes I wonder if I could be walking, talking and thinking right in step with everyone. Will there come a day whereby everyone is in synch with me -- or that I've been in synch with them all along?

It never comes a day when I don't be deemed as cocky when my confidence is growing steadily. So much as that when I am at my lowest point of esteem, it never cease them to take glee over my misfortune.

She told me "because you've scored many wins recently, its inevitable that you will come in at second place sooner or later."

Stay humble and accept your accolades as they come but don't ask for more. People get annoyed when they're asked to applaud for someone they've already acknowledged. Don't push your luck.

I am just happy and I want to share it.
To who, without being judged?

TGIF

2008-09-15T11:47:00.001+10:00

Thank God, it's Friday

on a Monday night!

Myriad Harbour

2008-09-14T03:55:00.004+10:00

The endless mount of work and deadlines are taking a stake of my time. When was the last time I did a selfish thing for myself? I have been so selfless, lately. It almost feels like I don't have any time for myself. All of my giving is starting to impact my emotions.

You're my drug

2008-09-12T01:07:00.003+10:00

If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a 'fix' of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that KokoKaina is far more addictive than cocaine.

Sarawak-bred, unsigned artist, youtube it-girl with captivating beautiful voice, simple acoustic guitar play, adept song writing; rumor has it, Jack Johnson music took her on. Without a doubt, one to watch out for in many years to come. The pride within me begins to unravel.

A painter paints picture on canvas,
listen to her painted stories on silence...

KokoKaina - I Am Me, Once More (Original Song)

When the world sees me

2008-09-11T22:01:00.000+10:00

...through my lens

Oh, dream on...

Dericious

2008-09-10T16:36:00.004+10:00

Something you don't need.

Robbing my time and youth

2008-09-10T15:59:00.014+10:00

I feel like I'm under the gun on a daily basis.
Partially it is my own fault
I cannot resist the urge to fill up my 24 hours
Being busy just to be busy
to get distracted
to get motivated
to only get myself exhausted.

What's keeping me from enjoying my deserving youth is none other than
me, myself and paranoia

I'm tired.

Plotting and Scheming

2008-09-05T23:06:00.023+10:00

Caption: Can you keep a secret?

Nothing is well-suited for action like today.
Today provided me with the perfect opportunity to bring you and your fictitious intellect down. If you appeared to be completely oblivious it is evident that you're just too shallow to comprehend your own pomposity. And, for those who are extraneous, if you think I am speaking of you, perhaps you're guilt-ridden or that you're just plain vain.
Oh my, I do dated one who lives by the latter.

There is an explanation behind the template changes and whatnot.
To that someone, why model yourself after someone you admire when you can be the original person who everyone else admires? No doubt, your imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery to me, but it can also send the wrong message about who you really are to people you want to impress and let me tell you, I already think lowly of you. Why try so hard to fit in, dear? You have an intense energy that appeals to people, but it is only present when you yourself are completely present.
Today, you've got to be for real.

If only you are smart enough to figure out the hidden message.

You can't always have what you want

2008-09-04T04:10:00.009+10:00

Arguments bring out the worst of a person. You took a cheap shot at me during a spat and I let it roll off my back. Once again I was this close in using it as an excuse to start hitting below the belt myself. Cut me some slack please, you have already done much damage. Give me the benefit of doubt.

You either had it or still searching for it.
Do you even know what you want?

She told me...

2008-09-02T01:31:00.011+10:00

"maybe the shallow end of mediocrity and the ignorance that comes along with it also caters in happiness"

Perhaps that's the reason why I settled for mediocrity. I see lemons as lemons instead of taking lemons and turn them into lemonade. I wanna be part of this world as opposed to setting myself apart and ask, be and do more. I took the easiest way out, I blend in just like the rest of them.

End of winter

2008-08-30T05:59:00.008+10:00

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.
As the days draw closer, I feel a pang of resentment as this indicates the closer I am to the day I have to bid farewell to whatever that I am falling for.

It was one of those days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.

It's your birthday

2008-08-30T04:45:00.017+10:00

'Bloody' (inside joke) fun!
Intoxication sans the hangover.
We drink, drank, ~~drunk~~.
Knowing that you're a year older, another added wisdom
Happy Birthday!

Welcome to the club!

Down the drain

2008-08-25T12:31:00.012+10:00

My health has totally plummeted,
all the efforts in getting well have just gone down the drain.
Those accumulated taxing weeks are taking its toll.
I have been bed-bounded for two days, it ain't funny.
I want my health back.

I am antibiotics-and-paracetamol-overdosed, hence the 'bloody' mess.

I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better.

oh, the irony, the irony.

Juno

2008-08-15T13:03:00.018+10:00

Gaily not going to mention about the movie that have taken America by storm or this clever indie comedy directed by Jason Reitman and written by Diablo Cody, but rather the music to the film that created sensation to my ear bud. Needless to say, 19 tracks that offer comfort in times of crisis, with some kooky indie gems jostling for positioning with some absolute classics.

[Juno OST]

Great Escape

2008-08-12T02:02:00.022+10:00

It is great sometimes, to escape from the city; getting away from the crowds, running away from all the superficiality, fleeing from reality in a way, seeking solace in nature - by retreating to a small, quiet countryside, for some soul-searching and hopefully to get a little more insights of life.

Few days staying in this little divine mountain vacation home, truly gave me space to think, to clear my mind, analyze some deep issues, provide me with a greater view on the perspective of my life.

No cell, no internet - living out of the civilization.
I think I am in love with such life.

Adieu

2008-08-10T01:14:00.010+10:00

6 months of knowing you vaguely leave me the impression of you as a hardcore alcoholic, impudently loud when intoxication-inflicted. It's a shame that we do not have much time to get to know each other better. It's a pleasure to somehow to have met you and witnessed your drunken monstrosity, nonetheless. This party is not about farewell, but to celebrate a friendship that is going to sustain the test of distance.

He's the man!

08.08.08.08.08

2008-08-08T08:08:00.020+10:00

A lot is being made of the fact that today is 08/08/08, a day when superstitions are acknowledged, many lottery tickets are sold, and people start marveling at the numerical symmetry displayed on their mobile phones and computer calenders.

(This post is purely for the sake of the date and time.)

Are you feeling lucky, yet?

It's your birthday

2008-08-03T05:16:00.006+10:00

It's your birthday
We gon' party like it's your birthday
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday
And you know we don't give a f*ck
cause it's ~~not~~ your birthday!

Your birthday is just the first day of another
365-day journey around the sun.
May it be bolder, sexier, prettier, and richer.
Enjoy the trip.

Raging fad mode

2008-08-03T03:10:00.017+10:00

Fashion [fash-uh n] noun, verb

"Style(cuisine, art, literature and general comportment) that is popular at any given time. Changes constantly, rapidly. In more colloquial sense refers to the latest version of styles. Inherent in the term is that idea that the mode will change more quickly than the culture as a whole."

A synonym for glamor, beauty and style. A sort of communal art, through which a culture examines its notions of beauty and goodness. Also in a negative sense, a synonym for fads and trends and materialism. A mode of expression nonetheless.

Goldwyn

Congratulations on embarking this journey at a whole new level. Our local market is chronically local-talent deprived. To love our garden, remember to water, nurture and rhyme.

Dig in

2008-08-02T15:38:00.000+10:00

What's in today's agenda?

The daily routine on loop, nothing interesting whatsoever.
I am thirsty for a change.

1987

2008-08-02T14:30:00.006+10:00

The year I was born.

U2
"I still haven't found what I am looking for"
August 8, Number one hit on Billboard Magazine

Sweet Oh, Sweet

2008-08-01T01:57:00.002+10:00

Belgian chocolate has always been renowned for their bitter, unmatched and quality taste - the small, instantaneous pleasure. Koko Black is a celebration of the cult of chocolate, definitely not for the faint-hearted. Stepping into the clutches of Koko Black is to be devastatingly smitten by the seduction of all things chocolate - sitting inside, one is surely to be driven to distraction by the frantic mass of all things black and brown and garnished with pistachio dust, aided by the smooth and subtle decor in abundance shade of chocolate. The menu is intensely unapologetic. Best hot chocolate, rich and creamy yet not too overwhelming. Iced chocolate is all time favorite, a rich combination of chocolate and vanilla ice cream complimented with thick chocolate sauce. Belgian Spoil, chocolate platter, that is not to be gobbled but savored. As a temple to chocolate, handmade chocolate using Belgian ingredients just put your taste bud to the ultimate test.

Just feed me Belgian chocolate, all day long.

Shrine of Remembrance

2008-07-13T13:13:00.001+10:00

Victoria's memorial to the men and women how have served Australia in armed conflicts and peacekeeping operations throughout the nation's history. Built between 1928 - 1934, the Shrine was designed by returned veterans Hudson & Wradrop. Their design, inspired by one of the seven wonders of the ancient world - the tomb of King Mausolus at Halicarnassus - was chosen from 83 competition entries. Originally built to honor the 114,000 Victorians who served in the First World War, the Shrine now commemorates all Victorians who have served in war or peacekeeping. The Eternal Flame, Cenotaph and Forecourt from the Second World War Memorial and the Remembrance Garden honors post 1945 service.

To honor, to remember, to captivate the memories of those who paid the supreme sacrifice for the nation, and all those who served.

Melbourne Museum

2008-06-26T20:19:00.000+10:00

Exhibition of tangible and intangible of humanity and environment.
The main attraction - Top Designs 2008. A showcase of best design works of Victoria's final year (VCE) secondary school design students, ranging from film, furniture, fashion, graphic design, mechanics, photography, publishing and food.

Learn, explore, enjoy and get inspired.

Blossoms

2008-06-15T11:56:00.002+10:00

I woke up feeling tres great
as I was greeted by its opening bud with a hint of least cloying sweet morning scent.

How can you not shiver with delight when your hot fingers close around the stem of a live flower, cool from the shade and stiff with newborn vigor!

A series of event, one substantial Saturday

2008-06-14T20:52:00.000+10:00

Big Freeze
To commemorate winter, freeze in place on cue for 3 minutes.
Oh wait, there is a tram rail?

Insanely frozen.

Zombie Walk
Zombie paraphernalia, lashings of fake blood, corpse-inspired make-up and elaborate prosthetics.

Totally bizarre, spectacular.

Got blood?

Suckao

Maximum satisfaction.

In search of Koko Black

Krispy Kreme

Ecstatically sugar rush.

Walking with a ghost

2008-06-14T04:13:00.000+10:00

Ghosts from the past have a funny way of sneaking behind our back and wander in when least expected. Some people are pretty adamant that once their door is shut, it should remain that way. It's somewhat redundant to be petty over things that happened ages ago. I don't. I enjoy the past sashaying into my live and those around me, one of the many reasons for the demise of my previous relationships. I am a provoker myself. I like stirring up certain things or people that others had rather not remember. When the fact that people or situations that are toxic to life should remain shunned out from it. Well, in my case, I'd deliberately let anything or anyone unpleasant waltz in on my life and on those who are close to me. I am also capable of bringing the ghosts from the past of those I love, back and haunt them. Why ostracize people from your life once the door is closed? These people or situations are somewhat part of you, no matter how much you despise it(Hate is such a strong word, innit?).

However, this time, I've learned. A vow of silence towards situations or people to give myself a peace of mind and not to contaminate my relatively comfortable life for the moment. You can doubt me, I am giving you the full benefit of doubt. For the record, it is good to sever ties to prevent a vicious spiral of actions. It is much more pleasant to be cold and selfish sometimes than to rage in a sea of malice-laced-superficiality. Forget the "just let it go and be civil", I know you too well that you are just like a bull in my little china shop, highly and likely to cause some breakage and possibly even some harm. I hate the aggressive energy you possessed in your whole life. I'd rather not invite any sort of confrontation with you like I had previously done whereby all the efforts are in vain as you obviously have a chip on your shoulder. It amuses me sometimes that how people have the tendency to forget the things that have inflicted on others negatively. I am not saying that I'm excluded from such guilt of ignorance, I too, have the benefit of reveling in such temporary amnesia.

Drop everything and remove myself from any explosive situations, I'd pretty much only speak if spoken to. That's just me now.

Friday night

2008-06-14T01:41:00.000+10:00

Gold glazed rich chocolate cake, non-crispy soggy KFC, abundance chips.
The booze...

downright intoxicating, but impregnable in mediocre quantities!

Chocolate induced afternoon

2008-06-12T15:37:00.000+10:00

Warm, glistening, sensational, makes the heart grow fonder.

Totally aphrodisiac.