Saturday, June 14, 2008

Walking with a ghost

Ghosts from the past have a funny way of sneaking behind our back and wander in when least expected. Some people are pretty adamant that once their door is shut, it should remain that way. It's somewhat redundant to be petty over things that happened ages ago. I don't. I enjoy the past sashaying into my live and those around me, one of the many reasons for the demise of my previous relationships. I am a provoker myself. I like stirring up certain things or people that others had rather not remember. When the fact that people or situations that are toxic to life should remain shunned out from it. Well, in my case, I'd deliberately let anything or anyone unpleasant waltz in on my life and on those who are close to me. I am also capable of bringing the ghosts from the past of those I love, back and haunt them. Why ostracize people from your life once the door is closed? These people or situations are somewhat part of you, no matter how much you despise it(Hate is such a strong word, innit?).

However, this time, I've learned. A vow of silence towards situations or people to give myself a peace of mind and not to contaminate my relatively comfortable life for the moment. You can doubt me, I am giving you the full benefit of doubt. For the record, it is good to sever ties to prevent a vicious spiral of actions. It is much more pleasant to be cold and selfish sometimes than to rage in a sea of malice-laced-superficiality. Forget the "just let it go and be civil", I know you too well that you are just like a bull in my little china shop, highly and likely to cause some breakage and possibly even some harm. I hate the aggressive energy you possessed in your whole life. I'd rather not invite any sort of confrontation with you like I had previously done whereby all the efforts are in vain as you obviously have a chip on your shoulder. It amuses me sometimes that how people have the tendency to forget the things that have inflicted on others negatively. I am not saying that I'm excluded from such guilt of ignorance, I too, have the benefit of reveling in such temporary amnesia.

Drop everything and remove myself from any explosive situations, I'd pretty much only speak if spoken to. That's just me now.

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